"THE LUCKY ONE"

     This has been the longest break that I have taken since starting my blog.  I needed a break from all things Domestic Violence related, all things ex-husband related, all things blog related.  I wanted it all to just STOP.  I wanted to not have to deal with all that I deal with on a daily basis.  Those close to me know about the enormous amount of stress that has been bestowed upon me courtesy of this situation.  Those living in similar situations can relate.  And yes, some of it I brought upon myself by deciding to speak somewhat publicly about my life to try and help my Step-Daughter and other Survivors out there.  I'm fully aware of that but at the end of the day, it doesn't make it any easier.  But, as we all know, the world doesn't stop just because we ask it to.  And my situation certainly isn't going anywhere.  My Step-Daughter is still out there, living in what she described to me as "a garbage can"...  and I am still here... trying to walk the confusing line of moving on with my life while at the same time never letting go.  While I work on figuring that out, let me update all of you on what has been going on.  Chances are, if you are here, you are probably wondering.  And as I write this, I must make note that part of what brought me back is the fact that my article "Letters To The Governor" http://www.stephaniesparklesdaily.com/2012/12/letters-to-governor.html  has been shared on Google Plus an astonishing 58k (and counting) times since I added it back to this website.  So if I ever think I'm not being listened to, I only have to look at that climbing number, and realize that clearly I am.  Thank you to everyone that has been sharing that article, which is a letter I wrote out of love, frustration, and disgust to the Governor of North Carolina's office regarding my Step-Daughter.  I felt like nobody was listening and that nobody cared about me or about the little girl I was trying to help.  But sixty-thousand of you have shared this so far and shown me that you are, in fact, listening.  Thank you.

     As I mentioned in my last article, my ex-husband was arrested in early January for violating the Domestic Violence Protection Order I have against him.  He emailed me the day after Christmas, complete with a photo of himself.  This was the first time the state of North Carolina arrested him despite his repeated violations over the past year.  With each of his violations I would call the two counties involved (Wake and Durham) in North Carolina and report his violations and those of his family members and friends.  The violations were ignored with comments from police officers like "If he shows up and is literally stabbing you, then call us" or "You do realize that it is just a piece of paper, don't you?".  Yes.  Please re-read that and let those words from law enforcement to a crime victim that obtained a document provided by law enforcement to protect her sink in.  I was met with outright rude and unacceptable behavior from people that are paid by the citizens to protect the citizens, time and time again.  It got to the point where I wondered... Why exactly did I get a restraining order if the police aren't going to actually enforce it?  And if they are going to treat me like I'm the criminal when I call them?  And those are two things that no Survivor should ever find themselves wondering but unfortunately often do.  I hope, at some point, that changes.  Just don't expect for it to be anytime soon in states like North Carolina.  Thankfully that isn't the case everywhere in the country and maybe...  just maybe...  states stuck in these out-dated unjust systems will follow suit and actually protect crime victims if enough keep speaking out.

 

      The main reason I was given why he was allowed to violate the Domestic Violence Protection Order by Durham County North Carolina was because "the victim did not co-operate" (that would be me), according to what the District Attorney's office rep Vanessa Monroe wrote on the dismissal.  How did I "not co-operate" according to Vanessa Monroe, with whom I never spoke and never knew the name of until receiving news of the dismissal?  I "didn't co-operate" because I "moved away".  Please let that sink in for a moment.  A crime victim...  a Domestic Violence victim...  that was advised by that very same District Attorney's office in Durham County North Carolina that moved away, was later not protected by the Protection Order they helped her obtain because she co-operated and did as she was told and moved away.  The reason she isn't protected?  Because she protected herself and moved away.  That makes sense, right?  Wrong.  Vanessa Monroe and her office never once contacted me via email, letter, phone call or smoke signal about the violation charge to so much as get a statement from me or ask me to be there for the trial.  I was told by the Sheriff's office I didn't have to be there and that the Sheriff would testify on my behalf.  I was also told that he would likely get up to a year of probation and face fines for his violation.  But, then again, this is the same District Attorney's office that told me he would spend a year in jail after he tried to break into the home of my neighbors' with the intent of raping and butchering those women after stalking them for months.  The same District Attorney's office that let him walk without sending him to mental health counseling, drug and alcohol treatment, abuser treatment, anger management, probation, parole, fines, community service, a mental hospital... nothing.  The same District Attorney's office that allowed him to leave directly from a $2 million dollar bond, labeled as an extreme threat to society, and go pick up my eight year old shocked and terrified Step-Daughter from her school.  So, after all, I shouldn't have been surprised at their failure yet again.

     When news of the dismissal was given to me, I was told that I should look on the bright side because my ex was inconvenienced and had to drive to Durham several times and be in court.  He was inconvenienced.  Seriously.  He was inconvenienced?  

     Luckily, where I live now the court system isn't as big of a joke as it is in North Carolina.  Domestic Violence is treated seriously.  Criminals are actually punished and treated like criminals.  The victims aren't treated like dog shit and they are protected above all else.  When I even attempt to explain what has gone on in North Carolina with my ex-husband, with my Step-Daughter...  the looks of utter confusion and horror that I get are indescribable.  It seems North Carolina is living in some sort of Domestic Violence-Twilight Zone.  I knew it was bad before all of this started, but I didn't know just how bad until I was in the middle of it myself.  And with that being said...  the frustration and re-victimization that occurs with crime victims trying to navigate that tragic system is unbelievable and possibly as equally bad as the trauma from the actual abuse itself.  Don't believe me?  Then you have never lived it and I hope you never have to.

     I would like to say that the worst of the worst I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with is in Wake County North Carolina.  Her name is Deputy Arnea Bell.  This woman doesn't return phone calls to crime victims, legal advocates, attorneys, Domestic Violence advocates, or other law enforcement officials.  She is downright nasty on the phone and left me a voicemail that should get her fired.  Nobody recovering from Domestic Violence should ever have the misfortune of having to call this woman for anything.  I unfortunately had to call her to ask her to serve my ex-husband with a brand new Domestic Violence Protection Order.  This one never expires, so there should be no confusion on his part over the dates.  As in never ever.  And when I went to court that day, in a different state, the first thing the Judge asked was "Please tell me we <this state> has Jurisdiction over this child <my Step-Daughter>.  Please tell me she is with you.  She is with you, isn't she?".  When I informed him, much to his confusion and dismay, that she was still in North Carolina, he asked "She has at least been taken out of the home by Child Protective Services, hasn't she?".  I shook my head no, tears streaming down my face.  "No sir, no she has not".


     The Domestic Violence Clerk handed me several copies to be sent to North Carolina, one of which was to be sent to Deputy Arnea Bell in Wake County who at first refused to serve the Protection Order.  I had to contact Durham County to serve it on him while he was in court on the violation charge so that it could become a valid order, thanks to Deputy Bell.  Over and over again the Domestic Violence Clerks, who were waiting for Deputy Bell to actually do her job and serve the Protection Order, kept telling me that I was "one of the lucky ones" because of the permanent order.  Domestic Violence and Legal Advocates repeated that to me.  I tried my best to smile and replied, "I don't feel so lucky".  And I still don't feel so lucky.  How could I?  My life was torn apart because I chose to do one of the most common of human endeavors.  I chose to get married.  And I have suffered greatly because of that.  There is a little girl out there still suffering.  Her family can post all the smiling photos of her that they want, but the truth is still there.  Those photos existed when I met her.  But all along she was suffering and I know, no matter now much time passes or how badly I want to not know it all, that she is still suffering.  With that knowledge in my heart I can never feel like the lucky one.

"THE VICTIMS SOCIOPATHS SELECT"

     I suppose it should come to no shock to anyone that I am trying to understand how I married the person that I married.  I think many of us do that after any relationship has ended.  And since leaving my husband, I have had these unsavory types of men circle around me like vultures looking for prey in astonishing numbers.  So when I found this article I immediately knew I had to share it with my readers. 

     While I am a long way from understanding how someone like my ex can even exist on this planet, a year has passed since my ex-husband was arrested for his crimes.  And a day after Christmas he sent me an email along with a photo of himself giving me "the middle finger".  As I'm typing this he is now sitting in jail for violating the Domestic Violence Protection Order I have against him.  I would like to pause and thank the Domestic Violence Sheriff that made his arrest happen.  He has gotten away with too many violations already.  I'm sure he was hoping he would ruin my holidays, break my spirit, and dim my Sparkle.  But he didn't succeed in any of that in the slightest.  He only succeeded in proving that he is still the same threat to society that he was a year ago, an unfit parent that my Step-Daughter is not safe around, and an abusive miserable person that I'm so proud and thankful I had the strength to leave.  

"Invisible Predators"

     I’m not sure what picture I had in my mind of the typical target for a sociopath when I began my research. I suppose I thought of either someone who traveled in fairly sordid circles or someone who was incredibly naive and unworldly. Either that, or someone with a pronounced victim mentality. As it turns out, anyone can be targeted and conned by a sociopath, including people who are successful, intelligent, and well-educated—even powerful, such as Sandra Boss, the Harvard-educated corporate consultant I mentioned in an earlier post who pulled down $2 million a year (in the news a while ago when her con-artist husband kidnapped their child). Some sociopaths go after those who have low self-esteem, even if it’s well camouflaged; sociopaths are known for having almost a sixth sense about such things. But others like a good challenge and will target someone strong just to see if they can pull it off. And as I mentioned in an earlier post, sociopaths will often target someone, weak or strong, when they are at a particularly vulnerable ebb after a life trauma.

In their book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, authors Sandra L. Brown, M.A., and Liane J. Leedom, M.D. present the results of a study they undertook in their efforts to see if they could discern any patterns in the types of individuals who attract and are attracted to sociopaths, and who tend to stay in the relationship even after things start to deteriorate and the true personality of the sociopath begins to emerge. As Leedom points out in a recent article on the recovery site, www.lovefraud.com, “although sociopaths are not capable of love they are very social and most often want to count themselves in as part of a family, extended family and friendship network.”

     Their subject pool included attorneys, physicians, therapists, social workers, teachers, editors, female clergy, and CEOs. Their conclusions are that sociopaths tend to go after women (male sociopaths outnumber female, but these authors’ conclusions could no doubt be equally well be applied to men who are targets) who possess the following constellation of positive traits: In general, they were nurturing, generous, forgiving, and tolerant. Targets tended to trust unconditionally, were cooperative, and highly empathic—an interesting contrast to the sociopath’s utter lack of empathy (it is likely that targets project their own empathy onto the sociopath). And they were compassionate, supportive, and devoted.

     In fact, the women in their survey tended to be quite loyal and invested in their relationships; they attached deeply to their partners. According to Brown and Leedom, “These women find a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction in what they put in and what they get out of relationships … once they attach, it is with great passion and enormous depth.” In addition, the average target is sentimental, more likely to remember the sweet things the sociopath did in the beginning of the relationship than dwell on the cruel things that begin to emerge. On top of that, these women tended to be tenderhearted, sympathizing with the wounded little boy the sociopath has conjured up in his courting, and readily using his unhappy childhood or experiences as reasons to overlook his increasingly hurtful, manipulative, and crazy-making behavior.

     Interestingly, many of these women tested high on the extroversion scale, were free-spirited, and/or sought excitement. Brown and Leedom’s interpretation of these results is that these women can overpower men who aren’t like them in this way; when they meet a sociopath, who is not intimidated by this aspect of hers, they are thrilled. These women find the charming sociopathic male with his impulsiveness and romantic or sexual intensity exciting. In addition, highly extroverted women don’t like to be bored, and a sociopathic partner is anything but boring. This is the main point of connection that is often made between the sociopath and his or her target, this desire for excitement and intensity. She doesn’t realize that the guy is not just edgy or adventurous; he possesses a pathology. Over time, these strong women end up dominated by their sociopathic partner, which confuses them. She often keeps the relationship going, despite how far south it goes, because she can’t believe that such a strong person as herself would put up with the treatment she ends up being subjected to, and keeps trying to re-frame it in some way that makes psychological and emotional sense.

     This group of woman also tended to be competitive, another counter-intuitive reason they stay too long in this dysfunctional relationship. As the relationship becomes more contentious and pathologically driven, she’s likely to stay and fight, certain that she’ll be able to work things out. Unfortunately, her personality structure is no match for a sociopath’s. Not only that, she is operating from an inherent position of weakness, in that she doesn’t really understand what she’s dealing with. It’s almost impossible for the target to grasp the fact that this formerly delightful, supposedly smitten “soul mate” doesn’t actually care for her and never did—that she was literally nothing more than a game, an object, a conquest, or a meal ticket—and that there is nothing to work out. The sociopath has zero interest in that. They’re perfectly willing to use and then discard, without any emotion whatsoever, someone who’s deeply committed to them if she becomes inconvenient or too much trouble in any way, or he simply becomes bored. And for such glib Romeos, there’s always another easy target out there.

     The results of Brown and Leedom’s research indicate that many strong, successful, and nurturing women become involved with sociopaths. The sociopath skillfully uses the target’s strengths against her, turning a formerly independent, seemingly self-confident person into a broken, needy, and self-apologetic one. It is a painful and sad trajectory, one that seems to fill a sociopath with a bizarre combination of pride in his prowess and contempt for the person he was able to break.

     In the recovery community, although some targets feel that they were completely blind-sided, that their strength and success represented the bait that proved their undoing, many of them feel that either a lifelong or recent weakness contributed to their selection—that some Achilles’ heel, such as low self-worth or the death of a spouse, created blood in the water that attracted these sharks. Several authors observe that targets tend to be people who automatically assume blame, whether they’re in the wrong or not, and many targets on support sites mention that they were raised by a sociopathic or narcissistic parent, which primed them to respond positively to the current sociopath in their lives. Not until it’s too late do they realize the magnetism they experienced was recognition, not attraction.

     Anyone reading this post who recognizes him- or herself in these descriptions should be particularly careful in giving their heart or trust away, especially to extremely charming individuals who romance them intensely and seductively. If you have self-esteem issues, you should work on them, not just try to hide them or compensate for them. If you’ve recently experienced a painful blow in your life, be more careful than usual where you seek comfort and support. If you think you’re someone who would never fall for a sociopath, that you would see through them in an instant, think again. Just about every single person conned by a sociopath thinks that.

     Whatever you do, make someone earn your trust over time; do not trust unconditionally. There is a difference between innocence and naiveté, between being compassionate and being a sucker. Getting swept off your feet can be fun in the beginning, but if the person who’s doing the sweeping is a sociopath, a crushed psyche and years of heartbreak will not make up for the comparatively short-lived, false ecstasy.

     Bear in mind, too, that encounters with sociopaths aren’t limited to romantic relationships. You can unwittingly have a sociopath as a friend, colleague, boss, co-worker, minister, idol, etc. In her book,Stalking the Soul, psychiatrist Marie-France Hirigoyen takes a look at the victims of sociopaths in the workplace. Often bullying of an employee begins with a sociopath. She observes, “Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the contrary, harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures.” She notes that targets tend to be perfectionists committed to their work; not the poor employee that the abuser conjures up by gaslighting and manipulation. In order to create a target, the sociopath subjects the selected individual to the same kind of devaluation that takes place in a personal relationship. Others in the organization will generally side with the bully for reasons discussed earlier, and soon, a perception exists that the target deserves this treatment: “They attribute to her character the consequences of the conflict, forgetting what she was before or that she is now in another context.” Hirigoyen remarks that abusers often choose “as their victims people who are full of energy and love of life.” For a sociopath, these attributes are like fingernails on a blackboard. Hirigoyen believes that the cynical, envious, empty and/or angry emotional landscape buried beneath the sociopath’s charming exterior drives them to destroy in others the qualities they lack themselves.

     You might be lucky enough never to be targeted by a sociopath in any context, in either your work or your personal life—after all, they are in the distinct minority, thank goodness—but given the fact that in the U.S. alone, there are anywhere from three to twelve million sociopaths, most of them operating freely, it can’t hurt to be aware. As expert Dr. Robert Hare observes in his book, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of Psychopaths Among Us, psychopaths are “social predators who charm, manipulate and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and in feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please.” He adds that they “are found in every segment of society, and there is a good chance that eventually you will have a painful or humiliating encounter with one.”

     Sociopaths are Machiavellian masters at manipulating our egos and appealing to our desire to feel special and to be associated with charming “winners;” they are consummate liars, able to lie without the slightest qualm; they are excellent actors and true chameleons; they can read their targets with tremendous skill to find out what will seduce them with chilling accuracy; and they not only do notcare about you, if it amuses them, they will do everything in their considerable power to destroy you, bankrupt you, turn your friends against you … take everything from you they care to take. And perhaps worst of all, if you try to tell anyone what’s going on, chances are, no one will believe you. It’s as scary as a horror movie, except it’s real.

     Be aware. And keep your antennae up for both gaslighting of people you might know and snow jobs directed at yourself. As Dr. Michael Fox observes in The Emotional Rape Syndrome, “the essential goodness of the individual … can serve us well in opposing the spread of evil in society, whether that evil manifests itself as emotional rape or any other major threat to the social good. We have to find the courage to get involved and to stand up to those who would use the best and highest human qualities, such as the ability to love and trust, for their own narcissistic gain.”

Suggested reading list:

Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of Psychopaths Among Us, by Robert D. Hare

Snakes in Suits, by Paul Babiak & Robert D. Hare

The Sociopath Next Door, By Martha Stout

The Emotional Rape Syndrome: How to Survive and Avoid It, by Michael Fox

Stalking the Soul, by Marie-France Hirigoyen

Women Who Love Psychopaths, by Sandra L. Brown, M.A. & Liane J. Leedom, M.D.

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick J. Carnes

Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, by Albert Bernstein

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Become Involved, by Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself, by Beverly Engel

Emotional Blackmail: When People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, by Susan Forward

 (Original Source: http://www.keswickhousepublishers.com/Keswick%20House%20Publishers/Blog/26B103AB-AA29-46BC-9818-EAED3B2CC1E1.html)

"LETTERS TO THE GOVERNOR"

 The petition "Reunite Sparkles And Nugget" that I created has over 200 signatures.  With each signature a copy of the petition gets sent via email and regular mail to the offices of the Governor of North Carolina (Governor B. Perdue), Senators, other lawmakers, Child Protective Services (aka CPS), Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS), Division of Social Services (DSS), and even the office of the President of The United States to name just a few.  You can find a link to the petition here: http://www.change.org/petitions/reunite-sparkles-and-nugget.

     I have personally emailed the recipients of the petition myself several times.  This is in addition to the phone calls that I have made.  I wanted to share with you the exchange that occurred between myself and the Governor's office.  This is the standard reply that I normally get:  "not our problem, someone else needs to deal with that, but not us"....  along with a bunch of comments that leave me wondering if the person ever read the email I sent them and the attached petition in the first place before responding.  I realize this is a lot to read but felt it was important to share, especially with those that have signed the petition.  Certain names and locations have been deleted for privacy and safety reasons.  

Email Sent To Me:

     Your e-mail to the Governor’s website has been forwarded to this office for response.  Thank you for the opportunity to share information with you and properly direct your concerns.

     I regret if things transpired in the manner which you report and that you are separated from and unable to see your stepdaughter as you would like.  The Division realizes that you are concerned for her safety because of her parents drug use, past domestic violence and criminal convictions.  While it may have come as a complete surprise to you and you were unprepared for the judge to order that your stepdaughter return to her father’s care, in reading your email, the judge removed her from the Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO) and then ruled/ordered that the father shall have custody after hearing all evidence.  This indicates the judge found your stepdaughter to be safe in his care.  Although this is not ideal for you, and you mention the parent’s drug use and criminal history as a point of concern, it is what the judge has ordered.  

     The factors the judge must consider are the same as they would be if you were filing for temporary custody as part of a DVPO:  domestic violence, the safety of the child, and your safety when making a custody or visitation decision.  However, there are also other factors that the judge will consider when deciding custody and visitation.  Therefore, the fact that the father may have committed domestic violence does not necessarily mean that he will be denied custody or visitation. Visitation by the parent who committed violence may be allowed, but only if the judge believes that proper measures can be taken to insure the safety of both the parent and child.  This may include an exchange in a protected setting or supervised visits.  If the judge does not believe that your stepdaughter is in danger from the father, the judge may order unsupervised visitation without any measures to protect the child or custody to be given to that parent.  If you feel there is a risk of violence or danger, you or your lawyer must convince the judge that you and your stepdaughter need protection.

     With that being said, you may want to consider consulting with an attorney regarding this matter, as the attorney can discuss with you what options are available to you at this time.  Governor Perdue is unable to assist you in having your stepdaughter returned to your care any sooner than a District Court Judge will allow.  Our Governor presides over the Executive Branch of Government and is unable to intervene in this matter as she does not have authority over the state’s Judicial Branch of Government, and is constitutionally barred from intervening with court matters.

     Thank you for contacting Governor Perdue and the opportunity to address your concerns.  If this office can be of further assistance, please feel to contact me at the number listed below.  

Sincerely,  

North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services 

Division of Social Services

Raleigh, North Carolina 

My Response:

     I appreciate your response to my email... it is the only response I have gotten out of all of the CPS, DSS, and other contacts listed on that email.  I believe you are mistaken in thinking that there was an actual hearing about custody and that the Judge listened to evidence before deciding it was "safe" to return my Step-Daughter to the "care" of her biological parents.  There was not any of that.  This Judge was a Criminal Court Judge, not a Family Court Judge.  He was hearing the Domestic Violence Protection Order case I had against my husband (her Father) and that was all.  The DVPO had been temporary up until the court hearing in March of 2012 because my husband kept trying to claim he was too insane to stand trial.  He finally claimed he was competent to stand trial and allowed for it to proceed the same day that he was allowed to leave jail in Durham County.  I had custody of my Step-Daughter per the temporary DVPO.  The Judge DID NOT even let me speak as to why I needed my own DVPO hardly, and would not let me speak AT ALL as to why my Step-Daughter was placed on the temporary DVPO by myself and why CPS granted me custody of her as well.  He simply took her off of the DVPO and told me to shut up.  He did not want to hear why CPS felt she was in danger if she was with either parent or why I know she is in danger.

     This did not take place in Family Court.  She was taken off of my DVPO when it was switched from temporary to permanent simply because her biological Mom finally decided to show up in court.  The Judge felt that biology was more important than the welfare and safety of the child and did not care at all why she was on the DVPO in the first place.  He never even knew her gender, her name, or so much as read the reasons listed by myself, the Judge that signed and filled out the DVPO, CPS workers in 2 counties, or the paperwork I had with me from police in Durham County.  

     I noticed that you keep quoting this as "past" drug use and "past" behavior.  This is not all "past" behavior.  My husband was recently allegedly banned from all Narcotics Anonymous meetings in the Fuquay-Varina, NC area because he screamed at a woman in front of a group that he wanted to rape and murder her before proceeding to throw chairs across the room.  People fled in fear from the building.  He goes to those meetings because of his continued cocaine abuse and alcohol abuse.  Her biological Mom was just arrested the end of August AGAIN.  Both of them, along with the elderly relatives in the family, have continued to violate the Domestic Violence Protection Order and Restraining Orders I have out against them... which shows that they are still violent and still not afraid to violate the law.  Nothing has changed but the dates on the calendar.  

My (ex)husband's own words.

     A man that molested (one of) his half-sister, raped a 15 year old, tried to rape and butcher 2 female neighbors, strangled a 5 lb kitten, makes his little girl wet herself in fear of him (and the list continues).... with a 15yr and counting narcotic problem... doesn't just "change" and "get better".  Neither does a female that is still working as a sex worker at nearly the age of 40 with 4 other kids floating around in the NC foster care system somewhere that neglected her daughter, my Step-Daughter, so badly that she wasn't even fully potty trained at the age of EIGHT when I met her.  

     If DSS can't intervene, what exactly is that agency in existence for?  This is a MASSIVE FAILURE on all counts if DSS can't find any reason to intervene for the welfare of a child that told CPS workers herself that she is scared of her parents, has nightmares because of her parents, witnesses scary behavior and drug use by her parents...  and he tried to RAPE AND MURDER TWO FEMALES and then EJACULATED onto their car.  How sick and dangerous does he need to be before he is considered dangerous for the child to be around?  Does he need to be caught literally raping the child for DSS to care about the welfare of the child?  Does the child have to end up in the ER with one of his butcher knife wounds before they care?  Or will that wound be considered a "past injury" because it happened before the child got to the hospital?  Does the Mom have to take the child to the strip club AGAIN before DSS steps in?  Does the Mom have to do drugs in front of the child AGAIN before DSS steps in?  Or does she need to be in the middle of doing drugs for it to not be considered "past drug use"?  What exactly is considered grounds for DSS to step in?  I would like to know.  A lot of people would like to know actually.  How much abuse does one child have to endure before DSS decides to actually do their jobs?  

     I can not afford an attorney to battle these two in court and take away their parental rights, which neither of them should have....  and which shouldn't be necessary if DSS would actually do their jobs that they are paid to do.   Believe me, if I had $20k+ I would have brought these two horrible people to court and tried to save the remaining childhood years my Step-Daughter has left months ago.  Clearly no agency meant to be on the side of children in the state of NC is going to do it.  I would be willing to risk my life all over again for her in a heartbeat.  I can not get legal aid in the state of NC, I have tried over and over again.  The reason?  His family and the biological Mom are so busy being criminals that legal aid is contracted out.  I'm serious.  I have tried.  I have had Domestic Violence agencies try on my behalf, legal advocates, the attorney I consulted, etc.  It is sickening.  So I turn to the people in office that have been elected and are being paid by the citizens to help the citizens and their children to make the state a better place.... and I get denied any help at all over and over again.  

     This is not about me being unhappy because I can't "visit with her".  I am worried that she is being molested, raped, physically abused, mentally abused, emotionally abused, and damaged on a level that she will never be able to recover from as an adult.  Yes, I miss her on a level that words can not express.  I would give anything to see her and speak to her.  But more importantly, I want her to be safe again like she was when she was with me while he was IN JAIL.   That little girl deserves to be safe and she deserves to be happy.  She was talking about suicide at the age of 8 and punching herself in the face with her little hands on a weekly basis.  That is not what a normal 8 year old does.  I want her with me, of course.  And I know she would want that.  I can't imagine what will happen to her if nobody intervenes in the near future with her discussing suicide and with her Dad discussing being a serial killer and rapist.  I am not thinking of just selfish reasons like the fact that I miss her.  I am thinking about a little girl in a world of hurt that I love enough to risk my own safety daily by having a petition out there on the internet that further angers a husband that wants to kill me.

     My life has been turned upside down by this monster and so has the lives of many other people.  I would like to issue this warning to you, since you will likely have to issue a statement when he makes good on his word and goes on a mass murder spree one day in your state:  he is dangerous, he has told authorities what he wants to do and how he wants to do it.  I am reaching out to your office to help me prevent one of those victims from being his own daughter.  She has already been victimized by him in a way that no child ever should be.  All of these people just keep passing this child off to the next agency, claiming that there is nothing that "they can do" or that it is "in the past".  Do you have children?  If so, let me ask you this... would you let my husband and his ex-girlfriend babysit them for a month or two?  

Sincerely Disgusted,

"KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY"

      I have said all along that my Step-daughter is not only in a nightmare of a situation with two biological "parents" that mistreat her and do not have their priorities even remotely close to being on the map of sanity.  I have also expressed concern that the people closest to her that she also fears, her relatives, stand by and do nothing as she is neglected and abused.  I have asserted that they have a long running history of drug and alcohol abuse that is alarmingly severe as well as criminal backgrounds.  I have witnessed their behavioral issues with rage and witnessed their own admissions of incest and partner abuse.  

     Let me back up these statements with a string of  factual information.  Please feel free to click on my petition for my Step-daughter and to help send lawmakers that something needs to be done before MORE children, women, and animals are harmed at the end of this and sign it and share it.  She needs our help.  She needs your help.  Domestic Violence Survivors, like myself, need support now more than ever as people like Shane Bridgers believe they are above the law and continue to harass their victims long after they get out of jail.  Send them a message that it is not okay and that as a society we will not tolerate their behavior. 

Richard "Shane" Bridgers aka Shane Bridgers FINALLY arrested and put in jail for violating the Domestic Violence Protection Order I have out against him.  He violated it numerous times but his latest violation happened on 12-26-12, leading to his arrest.  Here is a link to his arrest information and mugshot:

http://www.mugshotsonline.com/north-carolina/raleigh/richard-shane-bridgers/69914781

Tammy Sollars, the biological "Mom" of my (step)daughter was arrested AGAIN on August 23, 2012.  Here is a link to her mugshot and arrest: http://northcarolina.arrests.org/Arrests/Tammy_Sollars_8323287

Shane Bridgers arrest information and mugshot:
http://northcarolina.arrests.org/Arrests/Richard_Bridgers_7455169/

hShttp://www.bustedmugshots.com/north-carolina/wendell/jennifer-lauren-bridgers/28634531  Mugshot 

http://www.bustedmugshots.com/search/?first_name=Richard&last_name=Bridgers&state=NC  Arrest Record

http://www.bustedmugshots.com/north-carolina/raleigh/benjamin-david-bridgers/57760551 Mugshot

http://www.bustedmugshots.com/search/?first_name=matthew&last_name=Bridgers&state=NC&county&start_date&end_date=06%2F30%2F2012

Extensive Arrest Record

http://www.heraldsun.com/view/full_story/16924137/article-Crime-log--Dec--29 First half of article is about my ex-husband's arrest and charges.  $2 MILLION DOLLAR SECURED BOND FOR MISDEMEANOR CHARGES.  UNHEARD OF.  

https://www.change.org/petitions/reunite-sparkles-and-nugget PETITION FOR MY STEP-DAUGHTER.  DON'T LET HER BE ANOTHER STATISTIC.  

"MERRY CHRISTMAS NUGGET"

Dear Nugget,


     I know I haven't written in a long time.  But this is for you.  I know you loved the Mamma Notes.  I loved writing them for you.  I recently found a really pretty box to keep them in, along with pictures, things we colored together, and other stuff that looks way better than the red shoe box we were using.  That thing just had to go.  Since you don't have these, or me, and are being unfairly punished for things that have nothing to do with you and being kept from talking to me...  I wanted to make this video for you.  And for me too.  I hope this is an awesome Christmas for you.  I miss you but I want you to know that I'm okay.  I love you very much, even on the worst of days.    


                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tP-ia42_0kk