I have had the misfortune of knowing a lot of abusive people in my life. I once dated someone who broke my hand, gave me a concussion, and tried to convince me to commit suicide on a regular basis. And of course cheated on me on a regular basis to ensure he did as much damage to my self-esteem as possible. People would ask some of the most ignorant and insensitive questions when I confided in them about my relationship: "Do you enjoy drama?" "Do you like being beaten up?". Or they would just turn those questions into blunt rude statements. Let me set the record straight for anyone reading this that has ever wondered or ever been stupid enough to ask a victim of abuse these questions. NOBODY enjoys being abused. Nobody. That includes males, females, gay people, straight people, every race, and children. Often the victim grew up being abused and that is what is familiar to them. They were taught that love and tears go hand in hand. They were taught that they were not worthy of being treated any better. They want to be loved, they want to escape, they want to NOT be abused but they don't know how to leave and are often scared to leave due to a variety of circumstances. And if you can't figure this out on your own, then take a class or get a library card and educate yourself before you go around spouting off ignorance and hurting people that are already hurting.
I left that relationship. It took me many years... but the important thing is that I LEFT. And in a big way. I put so much distance between us that I insured we would never see each other in this lifetime again. Sure, I wish I could have those years I wasted on him back. But sitting around and beating myself up won't get me anywhere except stuck back in the past, and the past is what I left behind me. It took a while to get over him and it was miles away from easy. Many days I thought I would die from the heartbreak. But slowly the pain eased until I no longer missed him. Now he's just a lesson I learned in this wild adventure that is called my life.
After that very long relationship, I promised myself I would never date anyone abusive ever again. Instead, I married someone that made my ex-boyfriend look like an angel. I knew within a month that I had made a huge mistake. This person was not at all the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with or the person he portrayed himself to be. Not even close. The amount of abuse I endured over the course of 5 1/2 months is nearly impossible for most people to wrap their minds around. But I got OUT. I didn't wait several years, I didn't even wait one year. I regret that we got married and I regret that I ignored the red flags I saw before our wedding day. However, I don't regret that out of that very brief but horrible nightmare of a marriage I gained a beautiful daughter. I believe that things do happen for a reason. Even if we don't know the reason at the time. And I truly know the reason I ended up in that marriage was because that little girl needed me.
Over the course of my life, many people have told me that I'm the strongest person they've ever known. And my usual reaction was to blush, shake my head, and deny that I am strong. I thought I was very weak. I had to be to end up with abusive people. But I've come to realize that I was wrong. The abusers are the weak people in this world. Their minds, their hearts, and their souls are so weak and so fragile they are like cracked glass. It takes GREAT STRENGTH to endure, walk away from, and succeed after abusers have tried their best to break you down. I am a fighter with a voice and a strength inside of me that nobody can ever take away.
For any of you reading this that are in abusive situations or that know people in them... you are not weak. Your abuser is weak. You are strong or you wouldn't be alive and reading this right now. Leaving is a brave and scary thing to do. I know because I've done it several times. Forgive yourself and recognize that YOU ARE THE STRONGEST PERSON YOU KNOW.
After that very long relationship, I promised myself I would never date anyone abusive ever again. Instead, I married someone that made my ex-boyfriend look like an angel. I knew within a month that I had made a huge mistake. This person was not at all the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with or the person he portrayed himself to be. Not even close. The amount of abuse I endured over the course of 5 1/2 months is nearly impossible for most people to wrap their minds around. But I got OUT. I didn't wait several years, I didn't even wait one year. I regret that we got married and I regret that I ignored the red flags I saw before our wedding day. However, I don't regret that out of that very brief but horrible nightmare of a marriage I gained a beautiful daughter. I believe that things do happen for a reason. Even if we don't know the reason at the time. And I truly know the reason I ended up in that marriage was because that little girl needed me.
Over the course of my life, many people have told me that I'm the strongest person they've ever known. And my usual reaction was to blush, shake my head, and deny that I am strong. I thought I was very weak. I had to be to end up with abusive people. But I've come to realize that I was wrong. The abusers are the weak people in this world. Their minds, their hearts, and their souls are so weak and so fragile they are like cracked glass. It takes GREAT STRENGTH to endure, walk away from, and succeed after abusers have tried their best to break you down. I am a fighter with a voice and a strength inside of me that nobody can ever take away.
For any of you reading this that are in abusive situations or that know people in them... you are not weak. Your abuser is weak. You are strong or you wouldn't be alive and reading this right now. Leaving is a brave and scary thing to do. I know because I've done it several times. Forgive yourself and recognize that YOU ARE THE STRONGEST PERSON YOU KNOW.
